New Stages

Jacqui is in college. How did she get so big? Is she ready for this? Am I ready for this?

I have always been so ready for Jacqui (my oldest) to go through each of the big firsts in life, and move into each new stage. I've loved watching her go to Kindergarten, middle school, jr. high, high school, into Young Women's, on her first date, even through applying for college and getting accepted. I've figured it was because I really enjoyed most of those stages myself, and wanted to help her enjoy these stages. But on Monday I left her 300 miles away where she will be working hard, dating, learning, stressing, crying, and living without me there to wipe her tears, cheer her on, and let her know how much we love her. I know she's capable of doing all this for herself. She's a strong, intelligent, beautiful woman now. But my greatest fear in the world has always been that something would happen to my children, and I wouldn't be the first to know and comfort them. Now, it's highly likely that she's have some tough experiences without me. I'm sure she'll do great, but I don't get to be as directly part of her life. She'll have to decide what to tell me, how much to include me, and how much she needs. I already miss the day to day involvement in what she does.

My Third 10k

Last Saturday, I ran the Teton Dam 10k. It was a a hard run for the first half, then the last 1 1/2 miles were downhill. I hadn't run that far yet this spring, so I was worried. The most I'd run this year is 5 miles.

I was really worried that the weather'd be lousy, but it was a beautiful day until just after the whole marathon was over, then the clouds burst and it poured. I'm proud to say that this was my best time--I'm not in it for any records, just to better my time every year. I ran it in 1 hour 4 minutes 46.5 seconds. I took fourth in my gender/age group. That sounds great, but there were only 6 in that group. I was 15 seconds behind the woman who got third, which was the last award they gave. I'm proud of myself. I wasn't in the best shape last summer, so I passed on the race. It made me mad at myself, so I decided I needed to be able to do it this year.

For those of you who know that Greg's run this with me before, I just want to add that Greg had shin splints this spring during soccer, so he opted out this year.

A short bit of history for those who care. The Teton Dam Marathon was started about 6 years ago to commemorate the breaking of the Teton Dam, which flooded our little town of Rexburg and many others. The race starts at the old dam site and ends at Smith Park, which is 1/2 a block from my house. There's a 5k, 10k, half-marathon, and a relay as well, so that those of us who are not real runners can play, too. Since the race literally runs by my house, I decided I didn't want to just sit on the sidelines. I don't do any other races, just this one. It's sort of my own personal marker.

The Awards Night

On Tuesday, May 19, 2009, we were invited to the Senior Awards Night. At our high school, the awards night presents the scholarships that each of the students have been awarded for the next year.

We knew that Jacqui hadn't received a scholarship from BYU-Provo, where she is planning on attending, but had applied for another scholarship. We weren't exactly sure why she was invited, but we went.

As the night began, we were excited to see what she had been awarded. One by one her friends were called up for this or that scholarship. As the Harlo Rigby Scholarship was announced and she was not the recipient, I started wondering why we were there. I felt bad for Jacqui because I could tell that she was getting a little discouraged.

When the BYU-Idaho people came up and started pulling almost every senior there up for scholarships, her name was called. She went up, but the awards they handed out didn't specify the amount of her award. Since the list was so long, she felt that her award was probably just a quarter scholarship. I could tell that she was feeling outclassed by her peers.

We congratulated her and were happy for her. Later, as graduation day came and went, I was thinking how much she'd achieved. We'd always pressured her to do her best and encouraged her to really stretch. As we did this, we sometimes used examples of ourselves and set expectations really high. I thought about how much she'd accomplished. I decided that, even though we've often told her this, she really needed to hear how much we admired her.

I took the opportunity to tell her that with a 3.99 GPA and having played soccer 4 years, done debate for 2 years, and being a student body officer for one year, she had achieved things neither her father nor I had accomplished. She has worked incredibly hard and is an amazing girl. We are very proud of her.

The conclusion to awards night comes about a week later when Robert found a newspaper article posting all the scholarships of the graduating seniors. Jacqui still hadn't checked out the website at BYU-Idaho to find her award amount. The newspaper announced that she'd earned a 1 year 1/2 tuition scholarship. We were surprised, though we shouldn't have been. With our tuition waiver she could have attended for one year free, and then continued on with the 1/2 tuition waiver for the rest of the four years. She is still attending BYU-Provo, where scholarships are harder to come by, but we were all pleased that her hard work was recognized by someone.

Dance Recital

This is the conclusion to the April 23rd post. On May 7, 2009, all three girls danced in their recital. They danced beautifully. To me, they were each the star of the class. This was Jacqui's last recital--a very bittersweet evening for both Jacqui and me. She's danced with her teacher for 13 years and has learned so much.

If you read the post about preparedness, then you know I was concerned that we'd spoiled Corinne's pictures for her. Thank goodness, they turned out beautifully. She looks poised and serene, and the flowers we pinned on look almost normal. In her solo picture, you'd never know that they were not supposed to be that way. Each of the girls had a fun photo this year.

Greg's First Date

Yes, that's right, we allowed Greg to go on a date before he was sixteen.

Here's the story. So, Jacqui and I were talking about what she was going to wear and what she and her date would do for the Commencement dance. She mentioned that Ty, her date, hadn't found a group to go with yet. I asked who was taking her good friends Ashlie and Valerie. She said that neither of them had been asked. I was surprised; they usually go to the dances.

Jokingly, I said, "Well, Greg should ask Valerie, and you could double."

She laughed and then decided that sounded like fun. "But then we'd need to get a date for Ashlie."

Well, I knew exactly who to set up with her. Greg's best bud Brodie Davison had been crushing on Ashlie off and on since he was 11 or 12. You know the obnoxious way little brother's friends cause problems, insert themselves next to you on the couch, and throw things at you. Well, we got talking and thought this might work. It would be fun to have them all go, the girls would get to go to their senior prom, and Brodie and Greg would get to take out good-looking senior girls as lowly sophomores.

We talked with Greg and Brodie, and found there were a couple of problems. First, Brodie had to work that night. Second, Greg would be in a soccer tournament in Pocatello all that Saturday. We decided that if Val didn't mind missing her date during the pre-date date, then Greg might be able to survive three games and make it back in time for pictures, dinner, and the dance.

Brodie finally found out on Wednesday that he could get the night off. He was excited about the proposition and came up with an interesting way to ask her. The problem: dance on Saturday. Thursday came, and Greg was still waffling on whether he'd have the energy for the date after soccer. He was convinced when we decided that since neither of the boys had suits yet, we'd let them rent tuxes. That idea really appealed to him.

I was excited to see the two handsome boys in tuxes, and Jacqui was thrilled this was all coming together. She was so excited. Brodie's like a third brother, and her best friends would get the chance to go. Since time was short, Jacqui hinted at the friends through texts that they might be asked, and asked what dresses they'd wear. We got the colors, so, before they even asked the girls out, they went and rented their tuxedos. Jacqui took charge of ordering the corsages. Brodie's mom, Colette, just laughed because every time she asked Brodie if he'd thought of this or that, he answered that Jacqui'd taken care of it.

On Friday, (yes, the day before the dance), the boys put Goldfish crackers, sour gummy works, and a fishing line in the girls' shared locker. They each had a cute saying that asked the girl. Brodie'd had a running joke with Ashlie about catching her once ( I don't know the details.), so they played on that.

The girls answered that night with their own goldfish. Brodie was at work so his parents took the package to him. Before he got to open it, he told his parents that he didn't feel so well. He couldn't breathe very well. He has a personal and family history of some heart problems, so his parents decided to take him to the hospital for some tests. After the tests showed nothing was wrong, he had a strange reaction to the dye for the MRI, so he was treated for that and went home that night with a big nose.

By morning, Brodie's nose was normal. Jacqui, Ty, Brodie, Ashlie, and Valerie went out to the country and played air soft guns. Greg went to the tournament, won two games, lost the third, and made it back in time to shower, shave, and take pictures before he picked up his date.

The guys looked handsome. The girls beautiful. They had their pictures taken, went to Idaho Falls to eat at Johnny Carino's, and went back to the dance. Jacqui said that Greg was a little tired, but they all had a good time.

It was a fun experience, but I told Greg that this can't count as his first date because he's supposed to take me out first.

I'm teaching this term, so I started on Monday. My students are about to write a "This I Believe" Statement, so I'm doing some pondering about what I would write if I had time.

I believe in being prepared. As is often the case, I was reminded of this belief by failing to be prepared. Every single year for 13 years now, my daughters have taken dance. Each year, as the recital draws near, we are given lists, costumes, props, and so on to prepare us for the big day. I take my daughters, carefully coiffed, made up, and dressed to the picture night. Each year there is someone who doesn't have all the correct pieces, is late, or unprepared in any number of ways. I take my safety pins, bobby pins, hairspray, and make-up and share whatever I can with those in need. I tote everything I can think of so that I will be prepared. I'm bothered by those who don't remember everything and fill in with what I can so that the pictures or recital night can be perfect.

Then comes yesterday. My oldest is in her final year, and I have two other daughters to prepare for the day. As I run out of the house five minutes late for the youngest's appointment, I hope the older two would be on track, but it is not to be. First, as we arrive, Claire realizes that she forgot her ballet shoes. Oops, but I've seen this one done a thousand times--borrow the shoes of a girl from another class. Good, got that done with just a minor inconvenience. We head home to get the next girl.

After the five minute drive home, I find a grumpy near-13-year old (a week to the day) who's not happy that the older sister has been putting her make up on her. She thinks it's too heavy, but it looks fine to me.

Did I remember to pick up some white tights on the way home? Nope--she'll have to borrow from Jacqui. We start primping at the incredibly clumpy mascara, clean it up, and move on to the hair when I look down at the clock. "Oh, it's 7:50," I stupidly mutter. Corinne hears this and bursts into tears. "

"My appointment was for 7:45, and I'm not even dressed!"

Unprepared for the typical young teenage outburst, I grump on my own. "Don't start this. It doesn't do any good." I go on and on. She shuts down, so I walk out of the room. I need a few seconds to blow of steam, but oops, she storms off to her room crying. GREAT! Now we're all a mess and late. Jacqui shifts over and starts working calmly on her makeup.

I've done this before. I should know how to defuse this situation, calm her down and get her in the car. I should be prepared. This time I'm too frazzled myself, so I blow it up. She's dressing, crying, and I just look at her and tell her that there is no way she's going to do this. Just stop right now. It's over. You can't cry anymore. --Like that would ever calm anyone down.

Finally, after 8:00 we pull out of the driveway. As we pull into the studio, we grab everything and rush inside. I'm hoping for some distance to calm her down. Let her stand with her friends or something, but the next thing I hear is "Mom, I forgot my flowers." I'm tempted to send Jacqui home, but then she'd be further behind and Melanie (the dance teacher) says, "I've got some." We madly start pinning individual flowers the teacher has (because she is always prepared). Corinne's putting on her pointe shoes, we're pinning, and the photographer and his assistant keep calling out "any more white girls [costume description not physical]?" We keep saying, "yes, but just a moment." The ballet teacher is unfrazzled. She keeps pinning and handles others problems as we go. "Yes, I've got some of those." --and heads to get them, then comes back to pinning--still she pins more than I can and finally Corinne is ready. She gets her picture taken. I'm afraid to watch. I don't even see if she's able to pull off a pleasant look. I guess the pictures will tell the story.

Time to move to the next girl. We've brought three costumes for her. It's her senior year and she has two groups and wants an individual in the third costume. We have the time to smooth her hair, settle down, help her change, pose her, but Corinne goes home feeling once again the middle child. I failed her.

I started writing that I should have been prepared with all the things in advance, but when I hit the climax I saw that I should be prepared to handle the emotional problems better. I believe in having all the stuff in line, but the dance teacher kept everything calm even though we were late, unprepared, and upset. She even talked a little small talk to Corinne to settle her down. I've always admired that about her, but last night my unpreparedness in handling my own daughter glared as she defused the situation I had created by not knowing how to help Corinne. I didn't have the necessary calmness, compassion, and control on hand for the moment they were needed.

I believe in being prepared with all the little things someone might need. Now I need apply that to the big things we all need when the moment gets tense. Will I be prepared next time?

Spring Break and Beyond

I'm still trying to find my voice here, but I'll try to post things of interest.

The kids had Spring break this weekend. Friday was cold and yucky, but I borrowed my friend's steam cleaner, and Jacqui and I cleaned her bathroom, the upstairs bathroom, floors, the fridge (a little), etc. (Mark helped too on Thursday.) I fell in love with the steamer. It cleans so easily and feels so much cleaner than with other things. The steam had a real relaxing effect I guess, like being in a sauna, so I had to take a short nap before going back to it in the afternoon.

I'd promised the kids we'd go to Idaho Falls on Saturday, so we got ready and headed out during the last 1/2 hour of morning conference and listened on the radio. We arrived at the mall just after the session ended, dropped off the big kids and headed to Don Aslett's Cleaning Center for my own personal steam cleaner ($109 + tax). I'm really excited to have it, but it's tempered with the thought that that will be my 40th birthday gift. The kids had fun; we bought some Easter clothes, shopped at Sam's Club, and headed back home a little later than we'd planned, but still got to listen to most of the afternoon session of conference.

Sunday was beautiful. Robert got sunburned because he pulled our old couch off the patio onto the lawn and listened to conference on the radio. We barbecued and had steak and baked potatoes on the patio after the second session, then we played a game of ultimate frisbee. Good days. We hope the weather continues this week so that Robert's birthday will be nice.

Monday, Robert had to work, but got in a game of golf in the late afternoon--more sunburn. He says that he just has to see if the sun still works after our long Rexburg winters. Greg got out golfing in the afternoon. He went with some of his soccer friends. The other kids played with friends, or hung out around the house. Jacqui finished crocheting around a burp cloth that she started about 4 years ago (she actually undid everything and started again on Sunday morning, so she's quite pleased with herself that she completed it during her break).

Everybody got up and went to school this morning. We're back to the same routine, but the break was a blessing. We need to recharge those batteries.

Jacqui's officially passed on her Student Body Officer responsibilities, so she's relieved. She just has to finish up her college and AP classes, pass the AP test, and perform her last dance recital in the next month. She's feeling the burden and the excitement of the stage of life.

Corinne and Greg are playing spring soccer. Corinne's first game was a surprise 7-4 win. In the Spring season, the girls often struggle, but we're hopeful now. Greg's team plays the first game this week. They're a strong team, but have yet to prove themselves this season. Wish them luck.

Claire and Mark work together to drive us crazy. Pray for lots of sunshine this Spring so they can get outside a lot. They enjoy each other a lot, but are together so often, they end up fighting. On our trip to Utah, we were all ready to throw them out and leave them by the side of the road, but we're pretty glad we kept them.

Claire's preparing to play in her first piano festival. She's been taking lessons for about 10 months now. She's doing pretty well and likes it most of the time.

So that's Spring break and beyond, but I'll have to post some pictures soon. I don't have any recent ones to show, but keep checking.